Original Publication Information:
Suedomsa the Magazine April 1998 Volume One,
Issue Nine
Singularities by Mike Malloy
To Booth or not to Booth
"Good evening folks. That will be four for dinner?"
"And you want a booth. Sure, not a problem."
moments later
"Good evening sir, madam. Would you please follow me to...what's that?
You want a booth? Ummm, of course there's one available."
So do you prefer booths or tables?* If you said booths then you might want
to continue reading. If not, then I suppose that this will be nothing but
a theory. It's true that most of the people that I see walk into a
restaurant would rather have a booth. It always troubled me that those
particular tables drew people in like Venus Fly Traps, so one afternoon I
sat down and thought about it...
Have you ever stopped to consider the thought that maybe people are afraid
of being attacked while enjoying their favorite 'sit-down-restaurant'
food? In order to understand my train of thought we have to go back in
time about 900,000 years. Imagine that you've just sat down with a
freshly cooked Woolly Mammoth Steak. Food has been scarce lately so
you've really gotten lucky happening upon the lost mammoth that you took
down with your trusty spear. You get about half way through your meal
when you're knocked unconscious by a famished Fred Flintstone and
Barney Rubble - awakening only to find that your sumptuous steak is gone
and you have a massive headache.
Most animals that are preyed upon by other animals have this problem of
being attacked while enjoying a nice meal because they're focusing on that
meal instead of the immediate surroundings. So, how would one protect
themselves from these "Meal Muggings"?
Simple, don't let anyone sneak up on you. Essentially, you limit the
number of ways to be attacked by eliminating possible "blind spots" or
paths that would leave you wide open for an attack. Perhaps this is why
people dwelled in caves...nobody can sneak up on you. They also, more
than likely, ate their meals inside those very same caves. Just keep that
in mind, while we apply what we've just learned to a modern day
setting.
Take for example, the restaurant booths. The reason so many people want
to sit in them isn't because of their soft cushions or the private
atmosphere they provide. No, the booths calm that primal urge to
constantly check over one's own shoulder to watch for predators and
would-be-thieves. In fact, seeing as how a booth's table generally has
one side exposed to the restaurant, it could very easily provide that
similar sense of security that caves provided our ancestors with.
Interestingly enough, this is also why public restrooms have stalls and
not one larger open room with fully visible toilet bowls for people to
use.
So...where was it that you wanted to sit?
*I'm a boxer man myself--Andy
