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Tabitha's Men Tabitha's Men Tabitha's Men
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Original Publication Information:
Suedomsa the Magazine  April 1998  Volume One, Issue Nine
Tabitha's Men by Tabitha Wharton and her Man
Survey Says
I've been sucked into the depravity of late-night TV. I can't go to sleep at night unless I watch the nightly news and Jay Leno's monologue. My week doesn't officially begin unless I see the weekly headlines on Monday night. I'm addicted. I've been trying to think of something to write about besides the endless search for a semi-attractive being with opposable thumbs to call my very own, and to avoid contemplation of the constant war between the sexes, at the request of a friend. Mental note from friend: watch how she quickly turns such a mundane topic as Leno into another article about MEN. This friend found the topic "offensive" because every article written on the subject projected the image that the author was very self-centered. I think that everyone is self-centered, and I think we all should be. I mean, who else has always been there for you?
I encourage anyone who doesn't have any credit cards not to ever get any. They suck. If you ever get one, cut it up. Again, she slams her "men". You only think she's talking about credit cards.
I'm tired of being alone. I'm not saying I have no friends. I was about to say...I do. But I'm tired of being alone in the sense that if I'm "in the mood" I want to be able to be physically affectionate with someone. Kind of brings a whole new meaning to "that's what friends are for," but okay. I want someone to cuddle with during the X-files. I draw the line there. Simpsons, maybe. And that's only if you don't mind being on the rollar coaster of cuddles. Every laugh'll send you bouncing. Maybe when I meet that someone I'm destined to spend whatever amount of time with, he can convince me that I shouldn't be so self-centered, and I'll stop whining about not being able to find a nice guy who is interested in friendship and more. Oh come one, then we wouldn't have anything to read every month. Besides, nice guys are overrated. Just ask Matt.* Maybe then I'll even have a reason to turn off the TV and go to bed before Leno.
*Matt is the self-proclaimed nice guy from February - editor Andy.