Original Publication Information:
Suedomsa the Magazine August 1998 Volume
Two, Issue Two
Presents Tales From the Wif Kiss of Life the conclusion by Andy Marx
They are three guys sharing an apartment, nicknamed the Wif. They are
Lang, Dodge and Kip. Unfortunately, three guys living in an apartment
together invites trouble. I'm not talking the kind of problems that arise
from not cleaning the bathroom after a month. I'm talking vampires and
mysterious disappearances and bounty hunters arriving on your doorstep to
collect "the power." Guys like adventure, don't get me wrong, but assault
after assault of the most insidious, defiling nature in their apartment is
more along the lines of what we're talking here. It gets a little
tiring.
"Knock, knock," Kip said, charging into his apartment. The kitchen light
was off so he marched straight into the living room.
Alegre sat on the couch, her arm around two beefy gentlemen. Another sat
on a recliner near the balcony door. They were watching Real World
Seattle. From the TV, two of the cast members were discussing
sexuality.
Alegre said, "Can I help you?"
Kip put his hands on his hips. "I said, 'knock, knock.'"
Lang and Dodge came in. Lang turned on the kitchen light and his eyes
bugged. The stove was covered in red goop. He slapped his hand to his
mouth and bolted from the kitchen. Dodge barely gave it a glance and
turned the light off. Lang and Dodge flanked Kip and faced Alegre.
She waved her hands. "Boys, occupy the larger ones. Save the small one
for me." She emphasized "small."
"Shows how much you know," Dodge said.
"Hey, stop that," Kip said. The chunky male vampires one and two stood up
and cornered Lang in the hallway. Number three took an offensive stance
against Dodge. He bared his fangs and hissed. Dodge said, "Oh give me a
break." Three pushed him into the master bedroom and the bedroom door
slammed like a shotgun.
"Now, we're alone," Alegre said. She stood up gracefully and walked
lithely around the coffeetable until she was standing in front of Kip.
Immediately, his heat rose and he was forced to step back. "Just a kiss,
my lover. That's all I ask."
"I kissed you once and all of the sudden you took over my apartment."
"You have a big screen TV, how could I resist?" She leaned into him, her
breasts heaving inches from his chest. "I don't even have cable."
He swatted near her face to get her to back off. "You could have asked.
We would have watched it together."
"One kiss."
"No."
She made eye contact. "Your resistence is melting." She leaned in again,
gripped his arms away from his body and pulled him close. Her head bent
and her mouth opened. Her fangs dripped with saliva.
Lang slipped into the kitchen from the hallway. His foot slid out from
under him and he banged his knee against the tile. One grabbed him from
behind and wrenched him upright. "Ow, bitch, stop that," Lang said. Two
opened the refrigerator door and shuffled the milk cartons around to see
if there was any juice in the rear. None of them noticed the front door
of the apartment opening. Sara stepped in. She turned on the kitchen and
saw Lang bucking wildly, trying to out of One's tight armlock. Sara
tapped One on the shoulder.
"Get the fuck off my boyfriend." One let Lang drop to the floor. Two
stood up hastily with lunchmeat falling out of his face. To Lang, she
said, "Where the hell were you tonight?"
"Sara, I..."
She looked at the spaghetti sauce covering the stovetop. "What, we don't
believe in cleaning up after ourselves anymore? That's a bloody mess,
isn't it?"
"Sara, I..."
She grabbed a wet sponge from the sink and began wiping up the sauce.
"Honestly, Lang, I just don't what's gotten into you lately. It's like, I
talk about getting serious in our relationship and all of the sudden you
disappear off the face of the earth. Are you afraid, Lang, is that it?
Or is it that you're not interested."
"Sara, I..." She kept her eyes on the stove, making wide sweeping arcs
with the sponge.
"Because I need to know, Lang, don't leave me hanging. That's not fair to
me, or to yourself." She threw the sopping sponge in the sink and wiped
her hands on a towel. "Don't answer now. Think about it and let me know,
soon." She stepped into the hallway, glanced at Kip lying unconscious on
the flor and a goth girl standing over him. "I'll come back when things
aren't so frantic around here." She left.
Alegre stepped over Kip's body. Lang stared at her with fear. "What a
wimp," she said. "He fainted and all I did was kiss him. I guess he
wasn't man enough for me." She patted Lang on the cheek. "Sorry to
bother you. Tell Kip I won't be calling, will you?" Lang nodded
dumbly.
"Come on, guys. We got places to be." She counted her men. "Wasn't there
one more of you?"
The master bedroom door opened. Dodge and Three stepped out holding
hands.
Alegre shrugged. "Oh well, there would probably be a lesson here, if I
gave a shit."
end
