Original Publication Information:
Suedomsa the Magazine August 1998 Volume
Two, Issue Two
The Adventures of Cliff Del Bongo by Brian Deming and Michael Wineski
In a far away desert, a man of excellence and courage is about to embark
on a great journey, a journey that will expand his mind, arouse his
senses, and free his soul. In a world where life is just a game and love
is all but a dream, our hero will search for the ultimate pleasure. This
man we call Cliff Del Bongo.
On a hot afternoon, Cliff leaves the matinee, where many beautiful and
tantalizing demons dance for one's pleasure. As he steps outside,
he stares into the blazing sun. While the sun melts his retinas, he
begins
to cry because it hurts. He turns away wiping the tears from his eyes.
Cliff now realizes that he has seen the light.
With his eyes glowing a fiery red, he climbs into his machine, The Gism.
As he glides away into the sunset, Cliff Del Bongo's magical flight
begins. His mystical flight takes him to the Love Domain. As he
approaches the gate, he sees a piercing pink light glowing from insie with
billowing clouds of smoke, smelling of cheese, oozing from the gate. He
penetrates through the lavish drapery surrounding the gate. Cliff peers
inside. He is overwhelmed by the sight of plush lavender pillows on a
blue velvet canoe hanging from strings made of asparagus spears and
dripping with honey. As Cliff moves in for a closer look, he views a
magnificent watercraft behind the canoe. It disappears in a rippling
haze, in its place appears a never ending staircase all ablaze in an
orange phosphorescence. Cliff, in a trance, approaches the enigmatic
structure and begins his ascent. After hours of relentless climbing,
Cliff reaches what seems to be the top.
At the pinnacle of this perilous journey, a rather large frog sits on a
bed of dry flowers. Tattooed on the frog's lips are the words "Lick Me."
Without hesitation, Cliff stuffs the frog in his face and begins a
primitive love ritual. He releases the amphibious beast, only when he
feels the frog has had enough.
"To return to your original state you must lick me again," the frog tells
him. And with a horrendous laugh, the frog hops away. Wondering what the
frog meant by this very appetizing remark, Cliff sits down in what seems
to be a pool of soft soap. The pool is warm and soothing. As he relaxes,
he closes his eyes; only to find they're open on the inside.
All at once, Cliff's feet get farther and farther away from him, and his
hands become too small to pick up anything. In his paranoid state, he
feels he is slowly slipping through the floorboards. As he falls through,
he finds himself in an intense Vladispherical Labyrinth with many scars
and markings of other competitors of the past.
Again Cliff hears the hideous laughing of the frog. With his eyes still
opened to the inside, he looks up and sees the frog rounding the corner.
As he tries to follow the frog, something suddenly appears in front of
him. In all its glory, eating corned-beef-hash, is the mystical Naked
Iguana.
Cliff is mesmerized by the beauty of this creature. Before he could say a
word, the mystical reptile sang, "Cliff, find the Magic Boot and smell
it." The Naked Iguana then vanished. Totally mystified, Cliff returns to
his journey which now leads him to find the Magic Boot. In as much as (2) Cliff will be with us again, this seems as (3) good a
place to stop as (4) any - the editor.
