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Heinz 47
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Original Publication Information:
Suedomsa the Magazine  December 1997  Volume One, Issue Five
Heinz 47 Gosh Darn You! by Dara Shifrer
Sorry to be confessional, but I have a problem that everyone from my little sister to abusing friends have been eager to point out to me. I have no backbone, no spunk, no fire of self-defense within me. I am a smiling idiot who winces in silence as the boots of the world smash me. So I've been trying to stir myself up and get angry and crazy mad, but there is this insistent desire for peace in me that won't let me say more than a polite whine. I'd like to think I am devoting my bounds of stubbornness towards keeping harmony, but then I started having dreams.
I dreamed that my overbearing-by-the-daylight friend was painting out wall with three bold choices of color. The top half was a light blue and the bottom was a darker blue but the stripe between them was a garish blue-green slash. Its gooey goops were pulsing at me, and all of a sudden, I screamed at her, "I really don't think that looks good!" Her eyes widened in surprise at my insolence, and I continued in a more normal tone, "It just really doesn't look good," and I spun around to walk to the kitchen. Just as her wounded pride began to boil into an outblast, I laughed and sighed and said, "Aw, it doesn't really matter to me." I was ashamed to wake up.
I dreamed the next night that the same friend was pulling my tabs in much the same way. And then that swirl of anger I've felt maybe three times in my life (excluding family flare-ups) rose in glory, and I, as a true self-defender would put it, reamed my friend. I told her every little personal flaw and personal deviance that I hate about her in glorious slamming fashion. And I woke up in peace.
My life has continue on with harmony because my friend has no idea that our relationship has completely shifted. My goal next week is to stand flat in the middle of the hallway so that everyone to walk around me.