Original Publication Information:
Suedomsa the Magazine January 1998 Volume One,
Issue Six
Men, women, and singularities by Mike Malloy
In the movie "When Harry Met Sally", one of the main characters in the
story made a very profound statement regarding men and women being
friends. Harry Albright (played by Billy Crystal) said, "men and women
can't be friends because the sex-thing always gets in the way." I've
chosen this quote to introduce what many will already consider to be
common knowledge and few will identify as a new idea. Either way, I'll
introduce what I think of as the Articles of friendship.
Whenever a man and a woman meet outside of a designated arena-of-courtship
(ie. a nightclub, single's bar, or cheesy game show) they have three
choices. One, they can blow off the entire meeting altogether and
consider it a fluke of modern society that they happened to exchange names
and a few sentences. Two, they can pursue a romantic relationship that
will inevitably become a hindrance to their social or professional lives
and end in a war the world has not seen the likes of since the Roses. Or
three, decide to be friends and attempt to ignore any feelings of
attraction that one might have for another hoping that the other's
feelings might reflect their own someday.
Does anybody see a positive conclusion to any of these options? Let's see
there's loneliness, depression, and suppression. Any happy thoughts
lifting you off the ground? Hmmm, I thought not. But life continues and
most people have learned to meet people and blow them off as
acquaintances, date people and break-up without destroying each other, and
believe it or not, some have conquered those repressed feelings paving
road for long friendships.
The latter of these accomplishments is the focus of the Articles, which is
an understanding that must be maintained at all times in order to keep a
friendship between a man and woman alive and healthy. These Articles
include rules discouraging: sexual contact between the two, admitting
romantic feelings for one another, and allowing each other's external
romantic engagements from affecting the relationship.
The amazing thing is, these Articles are seldom spoken aloud or thought of
as a chore to follow.
If these Articles are news to you then you either have never considered
them beyond what you would normally think of as common decency, or you
have never been in a situation like this. Assuming the latter being
highly unlikely, we'll accept the Articles of friendship as something that
everyone has used at one point or another (sometimes without realizing it)
to save a friendship from falling into the pits of hell.
What happens when the Articles aren't followed? Well, that depends. For
some, a violation can be dealt with in a mature, rational manner where
both sides agree that whatever was said, felt, or done was a mistake and
it will no longer be a problem. For others, the violation could be
healthy and might help the two involved to explore a new aspect of the
relationship. But for the ones that cannot get past whatever event,
comment, or feeling violated the trust assumed in the Articles; the
existing friendship could be in for a long trip down a black hole to what
physicists call a singularity. In other words, your friendship is
screwed.
What can be done to prevent your friendship from ending up like the
aftermath of a bar-fight that you have to clean up? Follow the rules, and
always be true to yourself and to the other involved. Trust me...I've
learned this lesson the hard way...and you don't want to be where I
am.
My favorite prayer:
god grant me the serenity
to accept the things I
cannot change, the
courage to change those
things I can; and the
wisdom to know the
difference
Untitled poem by Tracie Walker
In this concave world of injustice
Where the lens of society has wrought
A newly skewed view of reality
Where gravity and levity are naught
The pincushion of time is ever
More crowded and prickly than when
I first came to know the meaning
Of fish lies and frog flies and flem
So what can a soft incubated
Chick who is hip to the scene
Say to the prism of prison of life
When no one is listening to me.
