Original Publication Information:
Suedomsa the Magazine July 1998 Volume Two, Issue
One
You ain't got a job, you ain't got a life by Joni Mirolla
"I'm starving. We're out of frosting, the dining hall is closed and
somebody ate my leftovers from last night. I hate these people." The
blonde grunge princess's passionate wailing was matched with equal
decibels of a drunken game of Risk taking place in a social room. She
shrieked, "They have absolutely zero respect for the sanctity of real
food!"
The only response from the other room: Today the Eastern seaboard,
tomorrow the world!
"I think I have some Pixie Stix hidden somewhere from Easter," a
pudgy-tummy young man offered. "They're kind of dark side of Tang." He
harbored a look of humility in the face of stoned hunger.
"You might as well mainline rock candy," another girl offered. This one
was a little princess, a little more cynic, with red hair. "We could take
you to the student health center and ask them to give you a Hershey's
chocolate syrup IV drip." Before they could say anything, she added,
"Ach! When did I turn into my mother? I sound just like my mother!" She
threw her hands in the air, resigning herself to his most horrible of
fates.
"Nah, forget it, Dr. Tye-dye Flashback is too incompetent to find a vein.
You'd think he'd have enough practice find his own back in the sixties,
where his sensibilities still reside. It's either strep or the flu, he
said..." Red ranted as she hopped up on the bed.
"God, who forgot you in a grocery store when you were four? You're like
Dennis Leary with breasts," the tummy boy grumbled.
Princess said, "Fine, we'll just order a pizza."
"You both look freaky enough to leave the piza and gnaw on the unfortunate
delivery boy. Leave it to me." Red tucked her hair behind her ears and
leaped off the bed.
"There's money on the desk," the princess chimed. She was appeased by the
thought that someone was taking steps to get her fed. Her eyes were
sweetly vacuous.
"The usual?"
Tummy said, "Yeah. You're a goddess, you know that right? You take in the
huddled, paranoid masses and feed them. A true humanitarian. I'm moved
to suck your toes." The tummy boy moved to suck her toes.
"I'll go order the pizza now," Red said, backing away with raised
eyebrows. She sat down in the inner sanctum of the hall phone booth.
"Pizzawillthisbeforcarryoutordelivery?"
"Delivery."
