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Original Publication Information:
Suedomsa the Magazine  October 1997  Volume One, Issue Three
Introduction by Tabitha Wharton
I was thinking the other day. Thinking is a favorite hobby of mine. It struck me that I've become an adult. I can handle my problems and other things in an adult manner. The strangest part of it is that I used to be afraid of becoming an adult. It happened while I wasn't looking.
Used to be that I'd be screaming at the top of my lungs "I want to be responsible for my own actions!" while the Toys R Us theme song ran through my brain. The more I think about it. The easier it is to accept being an adult. I began to notice things that have helped to create the person I've become. A book called A Matter For Men by David Gerrold changed my life. The philosophy in that book became an integral part of my personality without my noticing. The Color Purple by Alice Walker had a similar effect. The movies I've seen, the friends I have and even my family, have all become part of this adult I've become. And I like that adult person.
If you're wondering why I wrote this, I'm not sure. I guess it's a wake-up call to myself, and maybe to everyone else. The world is beautiful, and we're all part of it. We're never alone. Next time you're lonely, talk to your cat, or your dog. Or the tree in your front yard. It sounds weird, but it works.
The Quiz by Andy Marx
1. The last date you went on can be described as:
a) let me be your underwear
b) you got lucky
c) like a virgin
d) linger
2. When you talk about what you had for dinner last night, you:
a) pantomime stuffing food in your face
b) stick your finger down your throat
c) lick your lips
d) fart
3. If you're unbuttoning your shirt, it is because:
a) you're too sexy for your shirt
b) it's bedtime
c) booty call
d) shower
4. You're favorite line from a song is:
a) "blue canary in the outlet by the lightswitch who watches over you"
b) "satin sheets are very romantic, what happens when you're not in bed"
c) "no more 'I love you's' a language is leaving me"
d) "step left and around and together with the right, stand straight, bend knees, thrust hips"
e) what fuckin' songs are those?
5. You go to 7-11 for:
a) slurpee
b) big gulp
c) gas
d) smokie
6. Someone asks you if you're a virgin, you respond:
a) "Does anal intercourse count?"
b) "Yes, I'm a Virgo."
c) "None of your fuckin' business."
d) "And proud of it."
7. Your roommate starts dating a hot girl. You:
a) get in her pants
b) move out
c) video tape them making out on the couch
d) play your music really loud to hide the noises
8. Sex is:
a) deviant
b) demonstrative
c) absent
d) awful
9. Read the following joke.
Two women are on a plane when the stewardess announces they've lost an engine and are crash landing on the water. A Caucasian woman puts on lipstick and tells the African-American woman next to her, "They always rescue the pretty ones first." The other woman starts to take off her clothes and says, "Well, I hear the first thing they look for is the black box."
This joke is:
a) hysterical
b) offensive
c) not funny
d) drenched in racist overtones
10. Lacking anything to do, you:
a) cut your toenails
b) sleep
c) watch Simpsons reruns
d) call everyone you ever met until someone's home